The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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