I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize