just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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