Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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