ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
