:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
