awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
