My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
