Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
