11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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