Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
