so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
