I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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