Are we in a gay sports bar?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
