I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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