the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
