is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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