New low: just hacked my moms facebook
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
