i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
