Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
