when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
