ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
