That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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