He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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