she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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