there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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