I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
