I hate your face
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
