Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
