i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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