she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
