Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
he just fucked me for my cheese..
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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