He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
