it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
