Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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