just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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