I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
you never un-have a 4some
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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