He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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