omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
