I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I cut my penus on the lid.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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