Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
