i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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