My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The beers last night were like the tears from god
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
