so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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