my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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