Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
