Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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