So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
