so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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