The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
