did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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